


light up the night sky

by livhasnolife



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: ??????, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Recovery, editing is for the weak, i can barely remember, tw anxiety, tw typical bmc fic mentions of the squip and trauma, uhhhhh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 11:58:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14933831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livhasnolife/pseuds/livhasnolife
Summary: They had just picked their characters, (Michael chose Peach because he wanted to kick ass in pink and Jeremy chose the black and white kirby, because he was Jeremy, and that's what he did every time.) and they were about to choose the stage when everything went black."Shit," Jeremy said eloquently, fumbling to turn his phone's flashlight on. He was successful in his battle against shaking hands eventually, and the light made the room visible once more. The phone was set on the ground with the back facing upward so that it would continue to illuminate more of the room."We're fine, I'm sure it's just a short circuit or something," Michael assured, calm; chill. Jeremy just nodded shakily, wrapping his arms around himself and straightening his spine stiffly. His best friend got up from his place on the beanbag and flicked the light switch- once, then twice, and both times nothing. He opened the door then, and yelled, "Nanay!!"-Michael and Jeremy have a sleepover after everything is said and done. The power goes out, and as it turns out, not everything has really been said and done.





	light up the night sky

**Author's Note:**

> lmao hi this is almost a year old so please don’t judge it too hard!!!
> 
> i honestly didn’t think this would ever see the light of day i’m posting it as a way of celebrating loving bmc for a year!!! it’s my anniversary of listening to it for the first time
> 
> tw: anxiety i think???  
> also mentions of bmc-centric trauma

Michael's door swung open without warning, but he wasn't concerned, because that was a normal thing between him and his best friend by now. Privacy was a thing of the past, eliminated a long time ago. Jeremy flashed him a big, toothy grin from the doorway, holding up both a plastic bag and his backpack on display. Michael’s chest did something weird, but he didn’t dwell because then Jeremy was speaking, "I brought gas station food and video games." 

He plopped down in the beanbag next to Michael and placed both of his items in the middle of their two seats. Michael mock swooned. "Jeremy Heere, you are a lifesaver." He pat his friend on the shoulder to show his gratitude before he lost a battle with impatience, "What'd you buy? Which video games did you get? Show me the goods, Jer." 

Jeremy started with the gas station bag, first pulling out two slushies, to which Michael snorted and Jeremy said, "Gotta stick to tradition," before fishing out a large bag of cool ranch doritos, two corn dogs and two cherry cokes. 

Michael groaned in dismay. “Dude, cool ranch doritos suck. Everyone knows that,” he emphasized the word ‘everyone’ with a poke to Jeremy's stomach. Jeremy opened his mouth to protest, but before he could even get a word out he was interrupted. "No."

"But--"

"No."

"Michael--"

"You can't say anything to defend those satan chips,” Michael said, but grabbed a handful anyway. Jeremy looked torn, both betrayal and offense written outright all over his face before he snatched the bag out of his friend's hands.

"You can't just insult them horrendously then eat them, Michael!" Mr. Cool-Ranch-Dorito-Enthusiast reprimanded, coddling the bag of chips in his arms as if it was a baby. Michael rolled his eyes.

"Whatever man, can you show me the video games now? I need something good to make up for your chip error." Jeremy stuck his tongue out in a childish manner before actually opening his backpack and rifling through it. He pulled out Mario Kart for the wii (the best one, obviously), his DSi, Halo 2, Smash Bros. Wii U, and the almighty classic, Apocalypse of the Damned. 

The boys both smiled at each other. "You thinking what I'm thinking?" Jeremy declared and Michael gave a sharp nod. "On the count of three: 1, 2, 3!"

They shouted 'Smash Brothers!' in unison. Michael took the disc from Jeremy, before he scrambled to insert it into his Wii U.

"So Michael, I see you wanna be smash bros." Michael heaved an over-exaggerated gasp, like one you would hear a disapproving elderly woman make at something scandalous before punching Jeremy- wiggling eyebrows and all, - lightly in the shoulder. 

"That is inappropriate language, young man!" Michael said in his best previously-mentioned-disapproving elderly-woman voice. Jeremy started singing YMCA prompted by his young man, and he just gave an ~~amused and overly fond~~ annoyed huff while fiddling with the Wii U.

As soon as he turned back around with the Wii U actually functioning, he came face to face with Jeremy fully stood up doing involved choreography, shaping his body into the letters with awkward, gangly limbs while the song played in the background through his shitty speakers. Michael buried his face in his hands to hide his uncontrollable laughter, "Oh my god, Jeremy."

After the whole song was over, Jeremy finally sat back down on his bean bag and Michael's face had gone red with how much he giggled. When the sounds of their collective laughter finally died down completely, the boys turned back to the screen. Michael clicked start and called dibs on the game pad because "it's his house" which caused a lot of protest from Jeremy, but Michael brought the cool ranch doritos back up and Jeremy quickly snapped his mouth shut. He didn't want to jumpstart that conversation.

They had just picked their characters, (Michael chose Peach because he wanted to kick ass in pink and Jeremy chose the black and white kirby, because he was Jeremy, and that's what he did every time.) and they were about to choose the stage when everything went black.

"Shit," Jeremy said eloquently, fumbling to turn his phone's flashlight on. He was successful in his battle against shaking hands eventually, and the light made the room visible once more. The phone was set on the ground with the back facing upward so that it would continue to illuminate more of the room.

"We're fine, I'm sure it's just a short circuit or something," Michael assured, calm; chill. Jeremy just nodded shakily, wrapping his arms around himself and straightening his spine stiffly. His best friend got up from his place on the beanbag and flicked the light switch- once, then twice, and both times nothing. He opened the door then, and yelled, "Nanay!!"

A minute or so later, Jeremy heard footsteps. Shortly after, Rosamie Mell was stood in front of the door in all of her motherly glory. She spoke in a voice that Jeremy was familiar with, the type of familiar you can only accomplish after years of experiencing something, "The power's out all over town, and according to Mrs. Borowski across the way, it's not expected to be on in quite a while." Michael nodded before shooting a nervous glance back at Jeremy who just shrugged. 

That's something Jeremy really liked about him and Michael. They spoke volumes without words, a language within silence that not everyone could ever really understand. There was an ease between them at constant, and it tended to stop Jeremy's mind from going completely haywire with worry a majority of the time. It was harder after.. everything that happened earlier that year, but a connection like theirs- a friendship of 12 years, -doesn't get eliminated in a month or so.

"Is Mom still out there talking to Mrs. Borowski?" Rosamie gave a little nod, causing locks of black hair to fall in her face temporarily. A beat of silence passed in the conversation.

"Oh, I almost forgot. Since the power's out, I can't cook what was originally intended for dinner, which I'm sorry about but I can probably whip up something. Sweetheart, do you like fruit?" she directed the statement towards Jeremy, complete with an apologetic smile.

He managed to stumble out some words after a little bit of opening and closing his mouth, because it had been a while since Rosamie actually addressed him by a name other than just Jeremy after the incident, despite how prone she was to endearments of all shapes and sizes. "Yeah, of course! Well, I mean, except for cantaloupe, if that's ok? Every other fruit is fine, I swear I'm not that picky, cantaloupe is fine if yo--"

"We're good without cantaloupe, Jeremy. You're fine." she said, a bemused but relaxed expression rested on her face. Dimples framed her smile for just a split second before she turned back to Michael. "Are you ok with homemade fruit cups?"

"Sure," he affirmed, and with that Rosamie had whisked herself back up the stairs. Michael gave a sigh before he turned to face Jeremy. He made his way back to the beanbag and threw himself on it wholeheartedly, before looking at Jeremy in such a caring way it made him squirm. "Are you okay, Miah?"

Jeremy pulled his sleeves further onto his hands like a shield, took a deep breath and steeled himself before answering, "Yeah, I'm okay." because he was. 

But Michael, too perfect Michael gave him a soft smile and spoke, "Alright, I trust you, but if you aren't okay, that's alright too. I can help if you need. I'm here for you."

"Can I," the words had tumbled out before Jeremy had fully thought them through, but it was too late to take them back now. They were already in the air. He cleared his throat and finished his thought, "Can I hug you?"

Michael made a surprised noise in the back of his throat- obviously not expecting that, -but he nodded regardless. That was all the confirmation Jeremy needed before practically flinging himself forward into his friend's embrace. Long limbs wrapped around Michael, and he let his hands drape Jeremy's lanky frame.

Jeremy really was okay. He wasn't lying. He had Michael. That was all he needed for the moment.

It lasted longer than a hug was supposed to in most circumstances (Jeremy would've said all circumstances if he hadn't known Christine to hug people for up to 10 minutes if she hadn't seen them for long enough.) but Michael didn't pull away, so neither did Jeremy. They just kind of sat there and let conversation pass through them, and as the time passed their position changed slightly. Their grips on each other were loose, close to nonexistent but still there and Jeremy wasn't practically sitting in Michael's lap anymore but their ankles remained linked together.

Michael had just finished talking about something that had made Jeremy laugh, but he couldn't shake the feeling something was watching him in the dark and his battery was extremely low now. He started correcting his posture more frequently. "Hey, I'm sorry to change the topic, but like, uh, could we maybe g-grab some candles or something? My battery's gonna die soon and like--"

"Of course we can, c'mon ~~c-c-c-c'mon~~ , let's go." Michael pulled himself up and stretched, before offering his friend a hand. Jeremy flashed him a smile and took his hand, allowing himself to be lifted by Michael. It was routine, they'd both always haul each other off the ground whenever the situation arose, though Jeremy acknowledged that Michael always managed to lift him up in more ways than one.

They exited the room and climbed up the stairs to a front room Jeremy was very familiar with, the type of familiar you can only accomplish after years of experiencing something. It was already well lit by candles, but Michael seemed to be certain his family had even more stashed away in the kitchen. Most of the candles seemed to be scented and the air smelled like a bizarre mixture of so many different smells at once- it was overwhelming.

"Hi mom, hi nay," Michael said as soon as they got to the kitchen where the two were working on the fruit cups, before he made his way passed them to the cupboards on the other side of the island.

"Hello, boys," Mayra said, giving Jeremy a 100 watt smile. He did his best to return it, if not a bit shakily, and greeted her as well.

Michael let out an "a-ha!" from his place at the cupboards, before returning back to Jeremy's side. "I got four, that should be enough, right?"

Jeremy looked at Michael, mischievous grin planted on his face. "That would be enough." he said in a sing-songy tone.

Michael rolled his eyes and swatted Jeremy's shoulder, "Help, my best friend is a huge theatre nerd," he said, flashing his mom begging eyes. Mayra just gave him a helpless shrug, before returning to Rosamie's side to continue helping her make dinner.

Jeremy took that as a victory, puffing out his chest, before a voice echoed arch your back puff out your chest and he shrunk into himself immediately as if he was burned. Michael looked at him anxiously, but he just brushed it off. He was fine. He let himself breathe.

He startled when he felt his hand touched, Michael gave a small "sorry" with a little smile before retracting his hand. The other boy moved quick to reclaim his hand all at once before he could overthink it and dragged Michael back towards the basement. Michael held all the candles in his other hand; it looked inconvenient, but Jeremy was too selfish to let go.

When they reached the room, they both got straight to work. They separated their hands (Jeremy felt oddly dismayed) and started placing the candles in various different spots around the space. They lit them one by one and watched the room get a little brighter every single time. The candles were just normal wax lacking in scent. 

Jeremy smiled to himself as he lit the final one. He realized Michael had gotten scentless candles on purpose because he knew that scented ones gave Jeremy a headache after a while. The boys stood there on opposite sides of the room for a few seconds in quiet, just taking in the glow of candlelight before Jeremy turned to face Michael and let a "Thank you," fall from his lips.

"Any time, Jer. It's just candles." he said back, but the other one just shook his head.

"No wait, I mean, yes-- But also no, thank you for everything, like, thank you for always being here and caring about my wellbeing and just. I can't articulate give me a sec," the room was quiet once more for a few seconds before he gulped a breath of air and continued, "You keep me as one of your top priorities and you do everything and more for me, and you're so good at putting things into words towards me but I'm just this blubbering mess and I'll never be able to repay you in actions or words. I would rope down the moon for you if I could and you mean so much to me, but I can't ever really express it. You just-- you're really important to me."

He lifted his gaze from the floor to find Michael's mouth slightly agape and speechless.

He added one last note, "I'd keep going but, but I'm already tripping over my words and I can't reveal too much of my inner sap or I'll ruin my cool reputation."

That seemed to snap Michael back into motion, "First off, I don't even know what to say, as I'm sure you could already tell. I love you," Jeremy worked on calming the fluttering in his stomach. "Second off, you will never have a cool reputation. You have never had one--" Michael cut himself off and recoiled with a look of pain but it was over so quick Jeremy couldn't even be certain it really happened. "--and you never will while you're still a fucking furry." The words were nothing but teasing, no venom or ill intentions laced Michael's tone. Jeremy was left in a state of confusion over Michael's Split-Second Expression™, and trying to process everything Michael had said.

"Boys! Dinner's done!"

The boy followed his mother's call. Jeremy stood behind for a few seconds, just blankly staring off into space before kicking himself back into gear.

"Wait-- hey! I'm not a furry! Michael!"

* * *

They all sat around the table, conversation flowing naturally between bites. Mayra talked about her recent gardening endeavors, Rosamie called Jeremy honey and he choked on his fruit; Michael explained Spotify to his parents. They put their slushies in the freezer to prevent them from melting. All and all, it was a good time.

"We could make s'mores," suggested Rosamie. Mayra was totally on board with the idea and Jeremy's last name wouldn't be Heere if he ever said no to s'mores. Michael just shrugged and gave an indifferent noise. 

"I'll get a fire started, then." Mayra declared before turning and walking towards the door with Rosamie bounding at her heels, and trying to grab at her hand. It made Jeremy smile.

"Your parents are still really in love, huh?" Jeremy mumbled, but Michael heard anyway. He nodded, before placing a hand on Jeremy's shoulder.

A few seconds passed before either of them spoke again, "Hey, do you think we could get something from my house?" Jeremy had a huge grin on his face and there was no way Michael could say no to that.

He toyed with the idea of refusing, but he looked at his friend's face one more time and he was gone. "Fine," he caved, but not without an annoyed scoff.

Jeremy's eyes lit up, bright like candles. He linked their arms before rushing out the door towards the PT Cruiser. They broke away from each other once more and clambered into their respective sides. "So what're we getting?"

"Um," Jeremy stopped fiddling with the aux cord momentarily, "something I wanna throw in the fire? If that's ok? Like, after we cook the s'mores obviously I don't wanna make the fire toxic for cooking or anything." he returned to trying to plug his phone in for music. Their car routine was familiar. The type of familiar you can only accomplish after years of experiencing something.

Michael gave a hum of acknowledgement, "You know, we could burn it in the barrel instead. I've, uh, done that before." He didn't elaborate, didn't want to. Jeremy already felt bad enough recently.

Jeremy looked perplexed, but he didn't push it. "Yeah, that's probably better." All of a sudden, Seventeen started from the speakers causing Michael to jump. "Sorry," Jeremy flashed him a sheepish smile, but he waved him off.

"'S fine," Michael assured, "Is this your musicals playlists, nerd?" 

Jeremy made a noise of confirmation. He mumbled something about being more of a geek than a nerd, but Michael didn't quite catch it. They drove like that for a few more minutes, before they finally reached their destination. Jeremy hopped out of the car and shouted, "Be right back!" before he ran into his house.

Barett Wilbert Weed's voice filtered through the speakers, and Michael was content to tap his hands against the steering wheel for a few moments. He spotted Jeremy plowing down the driveway back to the car, with something white balled up in his hands.

A realization struck Michael as his buddy got in the car, "Wait, dude, did you walk to the gas station and my house? You know you could've just called me, right?"

Jeremy rubbed the back of his neck, -one of his fidgets as of late, - and answered. "I wanted it to be a s-surprise." 

"You're a doof, you know that? You didn't have to walk all the way just to surprise me." Michael said, grabbing one of Jeremy's cheeks. 

He simply smiled, "I wanted to, though." His voice was full of sincerity and Michael felt his face go red. He shifted into drive, and pulled away from Jeremy's house before speeding back off towards his own house. 

He looked over to his side for a moment out of the corner of his eyes to catch Jeremy mumbling the words to If I Could Tell Her. It was totally not cute, in Michael's opinion, and definitely didn't make him want to kiss Jeremy's face off or anything of the sort. Psh.

He drove right passed his house.

"Hey, Michael? You do realize you just missed your house, right?" Jeremy said in a teasing tone, but little enough teasing for Michael to know he was genuinely asking the question. He didn't answer, he just kept driving.

"Michael," Jeremy groaned, dragging the word out. 

"I wanna finish the song, okay??" he shot Jeremy a look.

"Fine," the boy huffed, before slouching in his seat in defeat.

Michael elbowed him, "If I could tell Heere," he sang along, interrupted by several giggles. He thought he was hilarious even if Jeremy didn't. 

"Oh my god, just pay attention to the road, will you?" Jeremy said, his face in his hands. 

"But what do you do when there's this great divide?" Michael actually put an effort into singing this time. He made a motion with his hand in offering of Jeremy joining him in his duet.

He complied. "He just seemed so far away," Jeremy, and his fucking theatre musical voice, Michael felt far more inferior compared to him.

"And what do you do when the distance is too wide?"

"It's like I don't know anything." Michael turned the car back on the route to his house.

"And how do you say," the house was slowly getting closer. "I love you? I love you, I love you," Michael pulled up in the driveway, and looked Jeremy straight in the eyes. "I love you."

His entire face flushed with color, but Michael still finished the song. "But we're a million worlds apart."

"And I don't know how I would even start." Jeremy's voice came out so soft and small and lil. Michael gave Jeremy a gentle smile and they wrapped up the song together. Jeremy attempted to match up some sick harmonies but they were very impromptu and ended up dissonance in some areas. They both fell into a pit of laughter for a while after.

The entire car was thick with an atmosphere that pressed down and screamed 'INTIMATE MOMENT' in big, capital letters. Michael turned the music off, and opened the door. "Ready to head in?" he said gently. The boy nodded. They exited the car together.

When they entered the house, they were immediately called to. "Boys! Perfect timing, we just got the fire started!" Rosamie yelled from the kitchen. "Michael, be a doll and bring out the s'more stuff, okay?" Michael gave out a displeased grunt but obeyed anyway. Jeremy tried to help but Michael knew his nay would have nothing to do with that. She did not advocate guest labor.

They collected their items, Jeremy with the... thing (shirt? pillow?) in his arms and Michael with the needed supplies. They reached the outside when Michael finally brought up the bundle. "Are you ever going to reveal the mystery of what that thing is?" Jeremy teasingly shrugged at first, but pinned on a nod afterwards. "I can get the barrel fire started really quick. One sec."

He did, in fact, get the barrel fire started pretty quickly. He figured it was a good thing they were doing this, it'd get rid of the bad memories surrounding the barrel and replace them with good ones, Michael supposed.

The fire flickered in front of him, crackling to life. He waved Jeremy over with his mystery bundle in hand. "So? What is it?" Michael said, inquisitively. Jeremy held the object out in front of him, letting it unravel. And there, in all its evil glory, was the white shirt with Eminem's face printed on it. Michael felt a breeze and all of a sudden, everything was a lot more chill. He found himself shivering as a result.

Jeremy looked so vulnerable and small for a few moments, scanning the old t-shirt. But then, Michael watched as the boy steeled his gaze and a look of determination took over his face. "Is it ok if I just," he motioned to the fire with one hand, "chuck it?" The boy just nodded. He looked nervous once again; uncertain, and Michael could only imagine what was going on in his head. 

He grabbed his hand and entwined their fingers for moral support. He flashed Jeremy his dopiest, most proud smile he could muster before Jeremy exclaimed, "R.I.P. Eminem. I'm sorry a tic tac killed you." before the shirt was going up in flames.

It was like a weight had been lifted- from their shoulders, from the very air around them and they were both laughing, because they still had problems, of course they did. They'd never disappear completely. The squip would always lurk, somewhere, in a deep, dark corner of both their minds. However, the burning of that terrible, terrible shirt was symbolic. They were both learning to stand on their own two feet, together. Jeremy was moving forward.

He bumped their shoulders together, before turning back around to head back towards his parents, both of their hands still laced together and swinging between them. He saw his parents exchange a knowing glance and a smile to match but he brushed it off. He didn't let go of Jeremy's hand.

Mayra had her guitar out when they got back, she was tuning it by ear while Rosamie cooked a marshmallow perfectly even. Michael grabbed two ~~stabby marshmallow things~~ skewers and handed one to Jeremy who took it gratefully. They took seats next to each other on the Mell family's old lawn chairs.

A few minutes later, everyone around the fire had a s'more in their hands except for Mayra who was lightly strumming. "You guys wanna do some campfire songs?" she said, a glint in her eye and a wide grin on her face.

Michael saw Jeremy swallow nervously, so he was quick to try and deny her idea. "Are you su--" but his nanay cut him off with a glare.

"We haven't done them in such a long time, Mikey, and we can bring Jeremy along in some of our family traditions again." Rosamie flashed Jeremy a welcoming smile and Michael watched a little bit of his tension melt. He sighed, but raised his hands in surrender causing Mayra to clap her hands like an excited child. 

"So, Michael, you already know these but I'm not sure if Jeremy does? I don't think we've done campfire songs with him since you two were still teeny tiny boys, is that right?" Jeremy nodded, a little too much to be considered normal but no one commented on it. "So, my personal favorites are the rounds I learned from my mother, and I see that nervous look on your face Jeremy, they're in English. You can breathe." He did just that, Michael noted. It made everyone laugh, not excluding Jeremy.

They all sat around the camp fire singing and laughing for about an hour and a half, maybe a bit more, before Rosamie yawned and with a quick concluding sentence her wife swept her back inside. Mayra explained they'd both be asleep and that the boys should keep it down (not without a wink, of course, because Michael's parents hated him).

Jeremy and him didn't move at first though, they watched the fire a bit more in a comfortable stillness. "Hey Jeremy?" the boy directed his gaze away from the fire and instead to his friend beside him. Michael felt his breathing hitch for a second. His face was bathed in the warm light of the fire causing soft shadows and edges ~~a song cycle~~ to cascade across his face. Michael was convinced his heart could possibly beat out of his chest from Jeremy's soft gaze. He collected his train of thought a few seconds too late, "Are you okay if I put this fire out? We should probably head back in." 

Jeremy almost looked like he was going to say no before he hesitantly stammered out a "yeah, that's a good idea" and even though Michael was a bit concerned, that was all the confirmation he needed. They'd talk about it when they got back to his room.

He killed the fires, both the fire pit and the barrel, before returning to where Jeremy was sitting and extending his arm. Jeremy took the invitation to link their arms together, and because of it Michael could feel how tense he was beside him. He quickened his pace to get back to the house quicker. His hands were a little shaky with urgency when he opened the door, but other than that they made it back inside smoothly.

Michael didn't comment on how anxious Jeremy had seemed, or how when they got inside Jeremy let out a breath he'd been holding, or how he relaxed a significant amount. He didn't let go of his arm, though, not until they got back down to Michael's room. Michael grabbed the slushies on their way back.

Jeremy disconnected from him then, and flopped head first on his bed with a grunt, spreading out full starfish style. Michael suppressed a chuckle. "Hey, Jer, are you okay??" he said it lightly, a little humor evident in his voice even. He didn't want to scare Jeremy into telling him.

The boy simply mumbled something unintelligible into the sheets which Michael, obviously, couldn't understand a word of. "You're gonna have to speak up a little louder than that, buddy." He sing songed, fitting onto a small space on the bed because Jeremy was lanky and couldn't fill up the whole space himself. He placed the beverages on the bedside table, "Y'know, if you don't tell me, I might just have to force it out of myself using other tactics..." Michael deliberately trailed off.

Jeremy lifted his head for just a second, and let out a short "Wha--" before Michael's hands swiftly made their way to his neck, prodding there, making the other boy erupt in giggles. "Stop! Michael, stop! I surrender!" 

"Are you sure?" he said, continuing the tickle saga at Jeremy's stomach, who was outright wheezing now. 

"Yes! I-- Stop it!" Michael gave in and scootched back a little, hands held up in an 'I mean you no harm' kinda way. Jeremy sat up fully; sent Michael an accusatory glare but it didn't really work because his face was so red and it was actually super fucking adorable and Michael couldn't seem to pry his eyes away. Jeremy wasn't the traditional kind of beautiful- he was gangly, and pale, and littered with acne scars and freckles. But, despite that all, he was still so beautiful. At least, in Michael's eyes, the flaws glorified him to an even higher level. He was imperfect and that was beautiful.

There was barely a beat in the conversation. Not even that, but there was a second too long of silence up until Michael broke it. "So, what's up? In exchange for me to take mercy on you, you owe me an explanation, dude." Jeremy curled into himself, just by a bit. It would've been barely noticeable to the untrained eye, but Michael was not the untrained eye. He knew his best friend about as much as he knew himself. "Hey, c'mon. I'm not gonna make fun of you. Just-- just talk to me, okay?"

Michael placed a tentative hand on his shoulder before moving closer to him. Jeremy took a deep breath. In, hold, out. He was readying himself, Michael observed. He looked Michael straight in the eye for a second before chickening out, "You know, how when I was younger, I was afraid of the dark?" Michael nodded, expecting Jeremy to say more. There was a pause when he didn't, and Michael looked at him to find a pointed look, and it all clicked.

"Oh,"

"Yeah." Jeremy was fidgeting with his cardigan now.

"Oh, dang, man, so this really isn't the best situation for you, huh?" Michael said, squeezing his friend's shoulder, who just kinda shrugged. He could tell Jeremy felt like a burden, so he tried to pass it off like it wasn't a big deal, but Michael could read him by now. Almost 13 years of friendship will do that. "Is it bright enough in here?" he inquired, softness the most prominent feature to his voice.

Jeremy nodded vigorously, "Oh, yeah, no, d-don't worry it's not like a super bad fear! Just, like, the remnants of a fear." Michael slowly moved his head up and down.

"How did I not know about this?" he questioned. Jeremy looked embarrassed, but who knew if he actually was; the candles weren't the best light source. 

"It, um. It went away, but came back full force after the Squip?" it sounded like he was asking something, but he wasn't. "It just. It feels like something is constantly present, and watching me, and that only increases in the dark." Suddenly, Jeremy's recent dark circles under his eyes made sense. Had he even been getting any sleep?

"Oh Jeremy." Michael slung an arm around his friend's shoulder in a comforting manner. "Hey, my laptop is still at like, 90%. We could watch a bootleg, as like a distraction, if you wanted?" 

Jeremy burrowed further into his side. "You're too good for me." he murmured. Michael flicked his cheek with one hand.

"Incorrect!" he retrieved the computer from the side of the bed as well as the slushies he'd stashed there earlier, before returning to Jeremy's side. "Whatcha wanna watch?" he handed Jeremy the blue one. 

"..Waitress?" spoke Jeremy, flashing a sheepish smile. He took a drink from the blue raspberry slushie.

"I should have known. You and Christine haven't stopped talking about it-- or, well, singing it for days." Michael teased, but still pulled up the video. He kept up a facade of indifference to musicals, but he secretly was overly fond of a lot of them more than he'd ever say. Jeremy just let his face go a little redder.

"It's a good musical, okay?" he determined. He linked their fingers, said nothing, so Michael said nothing as well- just brushed his hand with his thumb and gave it a reassuring squeeze. 

"I never said it wasn't, you goof." 

Jeremy rolled his eyes, "Just press the start button already."

* * *

Their hands stayed entangled for the whole thing and by the end Michael felt fuzzy and blurry because the candles provide soft lighting and they were leaning impossibly close to each other and Michael could hear Jeremy's heartbeat. What the fuck.

Speaking of which, he was crying and so was Michael. "I love that musical so much." the lankier iterated for the fourth time, this time in a more garbled voice, distorted by emotions. Michael could only nod in agreement as he brought up a hand to wipe his tears from his eyes ferociously. He hated crying, it was annoying and burned and made him feel terrible. Jeremy said it was cleansing, but he couldn't understand. (he hoped to, someday.)

"Shit, are you tired? It's one a.m." Jeremy muttered with a quick glance to Michael's laptop clock which read 1:34. His battery percent was only at 10 now, but he shrugged that detail off for now, it wasn't like he'd be needing it tonight.

"I'm- I'm not really tired, but if you are, we can totally sleep." it came out in a weaker voice than intended because Michael was affected, okay? He had emotions, even if it didn't seem like it sometimes.

Jeremy shook his head softly, "Nah, not really either, actually. Except I know you're going out of town tomorrow so we should get some sleep. Maybe we could just.. listen to your music and talk for awhile?"

Michael nodded, "That sounds like a good idea." He turned off his laptop and placed it back where it belonged.

"Got any new playlists for me?" Jeremy smiled cheekily. 

"Maybe," said the other playfully before opening his phone and selecting a playlist titled 'jeremy <3'. Give him a break, he's a hopeless romantic.

(He listened to it on his best and worst nights, and most time it made those nights better as the playlist was a compilation of songs they shared together or songs that just reminded Michael of Jeremy. The nights it made it worse Michael usually ended up crying- burning. Just because Michael was in far too deep now, far too whipped, smitten, whatever you wanna call it. Pining was a struggle.)

He pressed the shuffle button, and Jeremy immediately giggled. "Oh my god, is this Lana Del Ray?" His eyes lit up in the dim light.

Michael just embarrassedly nodded, feeling his face heat up. "I mean-- yeah, but it's a cover, and it's a good song, okay?" he heard his voice squeak a little and cringed. Jeremy just gave him this dopey smile.

"I should've never expected anything different with how odd your music taste is," he says, barely above a whisper. 

"Hey, you can't judge me, mister. We've listened to your music on plenty of hour long bus rides to school. Your music taste is just as odd as mine," he kicks Jeremy's leg as he lets himself slip into more of a laying down position. Jeremy follows suit til they're both laying under the covers, facing each other. 

"What does miah mean?" Jeremy asked, eyes soft and big and blue. His lips looked so soft. Michael's breathing stopped.

"Wh-- What?" he blurted, before recalling the previous events of today. "Oh. It's just a term of endearment? There isn't a direct translation but it's just kind of like honey, sweetie; babe, et cetera." Michael could see Jeremy's face fully flushed, even in the low light of candles. 

"A-Ah, I see, then." Jeremy said, and gave an awkward cough. 

Both boys just sat there with red faces in silence for a few seconds. Jeremy turned to lie on his back, facing the ceiling.

"Hey, Michael?" he sounded nervous.

"Yeah buddy?" Michael observed the side of his face. It held an unreadable expression.

His mouth opened and closed a few times, like he was about to say something but kept overthinking it every time.

"Just say what's on your mind, Jeremy." Michael's hand hesitantly rested on a place on his shoulder. He stayed quiet for a few seconds longer. 

"I'm so sorry," the words tumbled from his lips clumsily, but they held so much emotion nonetheless. "Oh god, I'm so sorry, Michael." he said, hands coming up to block his face from sight but Michael could still see his bottom lip quiver.

"Oh, J," and then Jeremy's being pulled into an embrace that he didn't really reciprocate but allowed, before he separated himself.

"I, I really appreciate you- you trying to comfort me but this isn't about me. And uhm, I couldn't really talk with my face pressed to your shirt, and I have a lot to say I guess? I know I've already apologized endlessly, but I've never done it formally enough- never as formally as you deserve, Michael." said a wobbly smiled Jeremy. Tears fell from his face in a constant stream but he didn't seem to notice. 

Michael tried to interfere but the moment he opened his mouth Jeremy shot him a glare, before the expression melted off his face like butter with a tired smile replacing it, "Please. Just, just let me get this off my chest okay?" his friend nodded. Jeremy took a deep inhale, and mentally prepared himself. "I can't say sorry enough and I never will be able to, so please, take this. It's hardly enough, but it's the best I can give, with my inability to speak and ar-articulate emotions and stuff. But, Michael, I'm so sorry for everything." Jeremy's voice slowly broke down more and more. 

"I'm sorry for ignoring you. I'm sorry for leaving you in that bathroom. I'm sorry for hurting so many people for a girl that I barely even knew, who was literally unable to reciprocate my feelings. I'm sorry for hurting you for the sake of not wanting to be invisible, when that's exactly where I placed you. It was my choice to turn on optic nerve blocking the second time, not the Squip's, literally have no excuse for being the most t-terrible, terrible friend, because it was me. 

"It was my fault that you could've died in that bathroom that night, because I know you almost didn't make it out. I woke up the next morning and I heard about everything that happened and I had a huge panic episode. I.. I should've talked to you right then, but I didn't, because I was an idiot and the Squip talked me down." his voice had raised before falling back down again, "I risked losing the best thing in my life for a stupid mind SD card and a promise for popularity." he buried his head in his hands again, tugging at smooth curls. "I'm just so sorry--"

"Jeremy," 

"--so, so, sososo sorry--"

"Jeremy,"

"--I can't believe I'd do something like that--"

"I love you."

Jeremy's hands practically flew away from his face, mouth agape, blue eyes wide. "You--" he was nothing but tomato red at that point. "What?"

Michael's brain went full panic mode, while he covered it as nonchalantly as he could, "Yeah, bro! You know I love you, right? Obviously I forgive you-- I already forgave you, because I love you, dude," his voice cracked. Nice save, Michael. He watched the shock slowly fade from Jeremy's face, replaced by something Michael couldn't identify before morphing into a smile.

"I love you too, man." Jeremy said, his face still exceedingly red. "My brotha. M-Dog. Homeslice. Pal. Chum. No hom-o." and of course, he was teasing Michael. He rolled his eyes with a grunt, and tried to push Jeremy off the bed, "Noooooo," his friend complained. "I thought you loved me." he said, giving a mock pout.

"I lied." said Michael, before showing his true Stone Cold nature and shoving Jeremy off the bed. Imaginary air horns blared in his head.

"I hate you so much, Michael Mell!" Jeremy shouted from his newfound place on the ground.

"Love you too, babe," Jeremy emerged from his friend's floor, face red. He sat down on the bed, "Did I say you were allowed to get off the floor? How dare you trespass here," Michael said, tapping Jeremy with his socked foot.

"Shut up," was the boy's flustered reply. Michael snorted, which earned him a small hit to his foot. Jeremy climbed back to his spot on the bed next to Michael, turning to face the boy again. 

"Jer?" the boy had closed his eyes, and gave an 'mmm?' noise. "Give me your hand." Jeremy let out an annoyed huff, but complied anyway. He slowly blinked his eyes open. Michael squeezed his hand for a second before linking there pinkies instead. Jeremy was looking at him with overly adoring sand curious eyes now, and Michael swallowed hard before speaking. "Jeremy Heere, I promise you that I forgive you for everything and always have forgiven you for everything and always will. Even though you stole my ultra rare Mew Pokémon card in third grade and still haven't fessed up to it, even though you left me in a bathroom; even when you'll inevitably set fire to something in my house on accident one day. This is a pinky promise, and those are unbreakable in my eyes, as you know from the Accident in sixth grade." Jeremy smiled, wide and genuine, Michael noticed. It looked kind of odd, but it made Michael's heart do some weird flip because Jeremy's eyes were so soft. They had lit up slightly throughout the whole vow, and Michael watched them get a little brighter every single time he said a word. Like candles.

Jeremy scootched closer, and their noses were touching suddenly, and Michael couldn't breathe but not in a panicky way, in like, a good way. A very very good way. "Michael, oh my god, I love you." he sounded giddy when he said it, but after it left his mouth, he looked scared. It sounded so sincere that Michael was genuinely confused by the meaning behind the words, which was ridiculous, because he didn't allow himself to hope. If he was going to survive through this pining journey, he couldn't have hope- couldn't set himself up for heartbreak. But Jeremy's eyes kept glancing down to his lips and they were literally sharing the same air then and Michael's whole body erupted in tingles.

He couldn't take it anymore.

He leant forward, just slightly, and their lips were touching and Michael thought oh fuck and tried to pull away but then Jeremy clutched his hoodie like a lifeline and Michael was sucked back in because Jeremy was really, actually, truly kissing him back. Their teeth clacked for a moment, but they were both too involved to care and Michael felt like there were colors exploding behind his eyelids, and in his tummy, and everywhere. The colors only got louder when Jeremy made a noise all too similar to a whimper when Michael bit his bottom lip. His hands flew up to pull Michael's hair, which caused a tiny gasp.

They pulled apart, desperate for air; practically panting. Jeremy's hair was tousled, even messier than it was before the kiss had started, which Michael honestly didn't think was possible until this moment. He was even more flushed in the face, which would've been hard to tell if Michael didn't know him so well. 

He leaned back in, and Jeremy didn't seem to mind, because he met him half way. It was slower, then, but Michael tried to convey everything he was feeling through the gesture. He let his hand fall on Jeremy's back and draw patterns into his back softly. The colors were still swirling throughout Michael's body.

When the need for air became more insistent, Michael reluctantly separated from the kiss. He let his forehead rest against Jeremy's, however. For a few minutes, he just let himself gaze into Jeremy's ocean eyes. They were so full of something Michael felt like he was drowning. In a good way, though. A very very good way. He took a sharp inhale. "Holy shit," he whispered, after a few more seconds.

Jeremy full out giggled, which made Michael internally pout, because no one was allowed to be that cute. That had to be illegal. "Holy shit, indeed."

Jeremy grabbed his hand, and Michael suddenly felt like maybe he was glowing because there was a light in his chest. There was a full on fire burning his heart at that moment, but he couldn't get enough. 

"I really like you," the words fell from his lips before he could even think about regretting them. And then, of course, he got the chance to regret them anyhow. He wanted to call the words back, but he couldn't, so he just let them float there, hanging midair with his heart beating out of his chest. 

Thankfully, Michael didn't have long to mourn over his misfortune. "I really like you too," and it came out just as awkward as the first confession, but Michael wouldn't give it up for anything because his heart thudded to a stop for about a full 3 seconds before starting back up and then he could feel the grin plastered on his face, so wide it threatened to split him in two.

"I can't believe fuckin' Rich of all people knew before we did," Michael said with a laugh.

Jeremy just snorted, "Michael, everyone knew before we did. Literally. The whole entire school knew I had a crush on you." Michael gave him a curious glance- his face became a darker shade of crimson. "You know me, I gush a lot." he paused, as if thinking over something, before pressing a quick peck to Michael's lips again. "You don't know how good it feels to say I like you."

Michael rolled his eyes. "You have no idea. I've had a crush on you since 9th grade. I win." 

Jeremy pouts, "That's unfair! It's not my fault I was oblivious to how much I wanted to kiss you." 

Michael's stomach swooped. He poked Jeremy's chest chest, "I'm holding you completely responsible. You're accountable from keeping us from getting together for so long, Mister." Michael froze in an icy realization, "We, um. We are together now, right?" he stopped again, before adding. "If you don't wanna be, that's fine, too--"

"I wanna be." Jeremy spoke in one of the most sure and confident tones Michael had ever heard him use. And damn, if he said that didn't make him feel good he'd be lying. He released a shaky sigh of relief.

"Thank God. I would've been fine if you said no, of course, because I don't wanna pressure you into anything you're uncomfortable with but. I don't know how I could take knowing you felt the same but not being able to just. Kiss you or cuddle with you or flirt with you whenever I wanted to. It's something akin to an actual nightmare scenario." 

Once he finished speaking, Jeremy kissed him again, firm hands planted on his cheeks. He parted just to pepper his whole face with kisses and Michael still couldn't believe what was happening because it was all too good to be true and the fire in his heart was suddenly burning through his entire body, licking at his fingertips.

Micheal stopped him with a hand on his shoulder, "I'll never be used to kissing you." he said.

Jeremy gave him a cheeky smile, "You won't have to, we've got a life time."

Half an hour later, when Jeremy started yawning every few seconds, Michael decided it's time for lights out. He blew out all the candles, made his way back to the bed, and burrowed into Jeremy's side.

"G'night," Jeremy mumbles, already half into sleep's grip.

"Goodnight, boyfriend."

Michael switched off his music, glancing quickly to find it was something from Undertale, and Jeremy didn't have a single nightmare that night.

* * *

Jeremy jolted awake at about 6:43, far too early for someone up at 3 am, by Michael's alarm clock's account. Which, by the way, was electronic. Which meant the blackout was over. It made Jeremy wonder if the events last night even happened at all, or if it was just a dream. But he was so tired as a product for staying up late and his fucked up sleep schedule, and there were unscented candles still scattered about the room, and there was a hand wrapped around his waist. In fact, he could feel Michael's breath on his neck. He took a deep breath, and let go. It was real. He let a few soft breathy giggles spill out. Michael liked him. Michael was his boyfriend.

"Are you awake?" Michael's morning voice called, interrupting his train of thought. He practically jumped out of his skin.

"Y-Yeah, I am, even though you just scared the shit out of me." Michael chuckled from behind him, a bit of a rough sound since it was so early in the morning. It was kinda sexy. Jeremy buried that thought because what the fuck, and swallowed audibly. "Why are you- why are you awake?" Jeremy asked, genuinely intrigued.

"I could ask you the same thing." he said, tone light and soft. "I don't know, I woke up a few minutes ago. Really naturally, though, I don't even feel very tired. I had a nice sleep, I guess?" he almost sounded awed. Like it was an unbelievable and remarkable thing to get some decent sleep- Jeremy wished he couldn't relate.

"I just woke up a few minutes ago, too. We must have a telepathic connection." he teased, before rolling over to face Michael. He didn't remove the hand from his waist.

"We must be like those old married couples who say they can read each other's minds. Thirteen years of friendship will do that to you." he continued to sound so warm, it wasn't fair. Jeremy wanted to protest.

"Yeah, makes sense." He looked up to meet Michael's eyes. So brown, and so, so warm. Jeremy was reeling.

He'd always thought brown eyes were underrated. They were always described as plain, or the color of mud, or bark, but that was so stupid. Brown eyes had the potential to be so beautiful, like melting chocolate, and they looked so full of fondness. Kind of how dog's eyes looked. Jeremy's breath hitched, because Michael was looking at him like he held the whole world-- like he was the whole world.

Jeremy felt his face heat up and his eyes flickered down to his hands. Michael grabbed one of them, a contrast of sure, less spindly hands and pale, E.T. like, freckled hands.

They laid there for hours. Just talking, and laughing and being themselves and for a while, every problem they had was thrown out the window and instead replaced by a giddy haze that filled Jeremy's heart.

They knew their troubles were still there, they weren't denying it, but for right now, the problems could lap at their ankles instead of drowning them. Instead, they could hang heavy in the backs of their minds. They could have peace for a few hours.

-

When Rosamie called them down for breakfast a couple hours later, Jeremy didn't want to leave. He knew what came after breakfast. His dad would come, and Jeremy would leave, and Michael would go out of town, and they wouldn't see each other 'til Monday. Which, that was usually completely fine, but it still tugged at his heart a bit. Jeremy would be glad to just lay by his boyfriend's side the whole day.

Michael went down the stairs two steps at a time, but Jeremy trudged down the stairs a normal pace.

They ate pancakes with the rest of the family, and held hands under the table the whole time, before Jeremy's dad showed up on time- something Jeremy didn't think he'd ever really be used to -and it was time for him to leave. And he did, but not before Michael gave him a kiss on the cheek when his parents were doing the dishes with their backs turned.

"Text me, okay?" he said, softly.

"Of course." Jeremy said, tone to match, a smile covering his whole red face.

After he walked out, and the door shut, the house was quiet for a few moments before being broken. 

"You really like him, don't you?" Mayra said, looking over her shoulder.

Michael hesitated for a second, but that's all the pause was. A second. "Yeah." he uttered, "Yeah, mom, I really do."

**Author's Note:**

> as i said please don’t judge this too hard it’s old and the grammar is bad and i was deadass too lazy to add any of the italics thanks
> 
> title from blackout from in the heights
> 
> editing is for the weak i literally haven’t edited this since i finished it   
> twitter: ceciiysmith


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